My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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