After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
