Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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