I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
