oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
