So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
