Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
