Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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