we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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