um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
