Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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