i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
