So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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