turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
