I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
