dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
