I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Holy sore nipples Batman
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize