Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
