You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
