just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
