the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
