How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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