we have pet lesbian snakes
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
