Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize