you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
