This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize