But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just tell him i said nine months
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
