Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
