I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize