Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
