If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
