i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
