she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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