Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
