After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
