Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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