just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
