Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
