i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
