fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
