3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
