i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
