wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
