I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
