I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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