i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
