Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Green mimosas i think yes
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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