Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
