Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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