I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
