....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
