She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
