They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
