i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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