I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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