what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
