tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
