Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
