remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
