dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
