Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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