he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
