ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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