i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
