i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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